Excursion to Ripley

Some sad - and shall we keep them nameless - individuals seem to be more interested in ‘before the event’ - namely the Planning board meeting to discuss the Asda proposals - it really wasn’t that funny, but I bow to the demands of my mini-fan club [all one of them] …

We set off down Bridge Street at 4.40 in a fairly leisurely fashion, I always leave early as I hate to keep people waiting - we boarded the coach which was waiting to take us to Ripley. I spoke to a few people I knew and sat down.

“Oh no! I’ve forgotten my phone.”

“I’ve not got mine either.” was the grumpy old man’s reply.

“Well that’s just irresponsible of you, letting me come without it. How am I supposed to cruise t’interweb, twitter and text? … I’ll have to go back for it”.

The time was 4.46.

“Back in five minutes” I shouted to the bus driver who was stood on the pavement.

“OK, no problem.” - the driver was very nice, it turned out that he lived on North Street, just over t'bridge.

I started an unrealistic jog up Bridge Street before realising that I’d never make it there and back without oxygen, so slowed down to a speed walker’s pace with the customary wiggle of the bum and pistoning arms - not elegant but effective.

The MWg zinc ii was in the living room on the sofa. Hmm, I must have left it there while I put my coat on. I grabbed it and put it in my pocket. “Ahh that’s better” I thought, I’m used to the weight and bulk of it in my left jeans pocket which is why as soon as I sat down I knew it was missing.

I dashed back out, treading on next door’s cat at the back door - he’d been in for a snack. I carried on puffing and panting until I was half way down the street - this was me still recovering from my marathon going up.

Ok, deep breaths - in … and out … in … and out. Great, at last, now I’ve got my breathing under control - there was no way I was letting that lot know how unfit I was.

I put on my most serene, nonchalant ‘look at me, I’m not a bit out of breath’ expression as I arrived back at the coach for the second time, only to spoil it all by collapsing in a heap on the front seat and saying to anyone who could hear my strangled gasp “Who’s stupid bloody idea was it to live at the top of the street?” and “It’s a good job we’re not sat at the back, I’d never have made it that far.”

The time was 4.52 - wow, I’m good! Knackered and rather warm - but good.

Most of the Asda crew boarded, checked we were all there – we weren’t but we were going to leave at 5.00pm no matter what to make sure we got the seats in the public gallery and if there were too many of us the Asda people would stand. Very decent of them but where was my cuppa? you'd have thought that they'd have dished out tea and biscuits to their supporters [or oxygen in my case]. Oh, that's just when you give blood is it? - I see.

This is when we got our new ‘YES to ASDA Langley Mill leaflets, I confessed that I’d lost mine - where? - in the scanner, is it? Ooh yes … so it is.

“No worry’s, we’ve had loads printed. Thanks for coming along and for all your support”. This was from Mr Tom Asda McGarry, the first time I think I’ve seen him [I may be completely wrong as I'm hopeless with faces]. I was expecting someone older, he was about fifteen or so, in fact, as I looked at them, I noticed that they’re all teenagers - OH BUGGER! It’s not them that’s young is it? It’s me that’s old!

Off we went.

The junction of Cromford Road and Station Road - tut tut, who should want to come around the corner? A Tesco delivery van!

“Hiss, boo!” I waved my ‘YES to ASDA Langley Mill’ leaflet at the van.

Codnor - I repeated the exercise at the Tesco Express there.

Ripley - yes you've guessed it - Sainsburys got it.

My excuse is that I don’t get out much, especially after dark, and I was confused by all the tinsel and the happy atmosphere on the coach. So - and this is quite obvious when you think about it - I must have reasoned that I was on my way to a pantomime …